I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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