R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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