Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
