If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
