no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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