I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
