it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
