I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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