dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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