i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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