I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
