Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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