One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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