why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
