My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
