we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
