If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just found puke in my bra..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
