maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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