I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize