Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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