Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
