Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
