My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Randomize
