A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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