Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
