I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
