fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
