she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
