So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
