I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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