I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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