You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
