Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
