have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
