Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
