Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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