I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
