I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
