How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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