I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
