Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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