It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
