I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That accounts for only three of the penises
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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