my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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