I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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