sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
