So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
