for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Damn victory sex feels great
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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