Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
