Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
