glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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