Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
