Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
