Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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