Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
