I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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