If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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