In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
