I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
