you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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