Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
