Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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