I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
