from now on my penis is your penis
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
