it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
