he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
