just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
