Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
