Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
